Before You Attend

People have cautioned you about the legalism.  Some have suggested that the movement is a cult.  Theologians and others have claimed that the Scripture is twisted to manipulate your feelings of guilt and shame.  Some have told you about families that have fallen apart and children who have abandoned the faith after becoming involved with the movement.  You’ve heard all the concerns and disrespect. 

You have wondered about the rules.  Do the ladies really have to wear dresses all the time?  No television?  No beards?  Do you have to bake your own whole-wheat bread?  And what will the future be like for your kids with no dating, no education credentials, and no real understanding of what the rest of society has been through?  You have wondered.

But you push all these things aside when you see that special family.  They seem so happy all the time.  Never a cross word between husband and wife.  Kids under control.  Everyone is respectful and kind.  The father is the spiritual leader, wise and strong.  The mother is so positive all the time and so competent.  The kids are young, but you would hire any of them without a second thought because they seem so willing and capable.  That family has what you wish your family had.  Now they have invited you to the seminar series they claim changed their lives. 

Or perhaps your church is sponsoring the seminar.  Your pastor and others have spoken positively about it.  How could anything be wrong with solid Bible teaching that condemns sin and lifts up a godly lifestyle?  After all, this world is falling apart because of sin.  You want your children to have happy and fulfilled lives, protected from the dangers of the world’s evil.  It seems good to find a community in which you can shelter them from the troubles others face today.  If this teacher offers that community, you can put up with a few rules and strange ideas.

So here is what you will hear if you attend the seminar.  You will hear many amazing stories of great success in the lives of those who trusted God according to certain definitions.  You will hear some stories of failures in the lives of those who did not.  Nearly every point will be supported by a story, either from the Bible or from the testimonies of those who lived the story.  You probably will not hear many details.  The names and places may be omitted, but you have no particular reason to think the story has been fabricated or stretched.  You will be amazed that you have never heard the Bible stories presented in just that way but you will not be able to find anything particularly wrong.  In fact, the stories will seem to be perfect illustrations of the truth presented.

And, of course, the stories will be refreshing breaks in your feverish writing.  The information on the screen will come at you fast, faster than you will be able to think about it.  You will only have time to write it down, get it into your mind; not time enough to sort out whether you agree.  Every point will have Scripture texts for support and, if those texts do not seem quite right, there will be no time to look them up and think about them.  You will just have to accept them and move on.  You can look them up later.

You will learn about authority and submission, trusting God in your finances, obeying the Scriptures - all the things that seem so right.  Any skepticism you had about this being the answer for your family will be gone after the hours you spend in the teaching and the community.  It may strike you as odd when the family next to you says that they have attended seven times, especially since the material seems so simple and straightforward.  But, again, the family is so nice and the kids are so great that you will conclude the program must be working for them.  In fact, you want very much to fit in with families like this.  You will want them to think that your family is like theirs.  You certainly do not want them to know the truth.  Besides, maybe your family will become like theirs when these teachings are put in place.

Some of the material will answer questions for you.  You will find yourself thinking of others, usually people you have known who have struggled because of the consequences of disobedience the teacher points out.  Some of the things will make you uncomfortable.  They will touch pretty close to home.  You will hope and pray that your husband or wife is listening because you know that a good portion of the change will have to come from that side of the marriage.  Most men come out of the seminars with guilt for not being the spiritual leaders of their homes.  Most women come out with guilt because they have not been submissive enough.  The hint of anger they feel at the same time is revealed to be their own sinful desire for control.  Anger, you will learn, is evil and can be defeated with certain disciplines.  Guilt is just a normal part of understanding the truth about yourself.

But you will not hear about how often a couple should enjoy intimacy in their marriage or how or when, like some of the detractors claim.  You probably will not hear that you should be making your own whole-wheat bread.  You may not even hear about staying out of debt or getting rid of your television or that women should always wear skirts.  You will get those things when you go to the advanced seminar, or when you enroll in the home-school program.  As you become more a part of the community, you will learn more about becoming the kind of family God really loves and blesses. 

When the seminar is finished, you will go home exhausted and hopeful.  A whirlwind week to begin a lifetime of change.  You may have a couple of weeks of slight depression, perhaps from all the activity.  It will pass, but the new standards by which you measure yourself and others will be there to keep you going.  Now that you realize your guilt is a blessing from God to show you where you fall short, you will have a constant motivation to keep trying.  Good things will happen, especially if the rest of your family will do their part.  You will be amazed that you were able to find peace before the seminar came along.  You will probably chastise yourself for living such a compromised life. 

But you will learn quickly that this kind of change is hard to accomplish.  When the special family invites you to their Bible study or Sunday School class or maybe even to an advanced seminar, you will see it as the opportunity for the support you need.  You have heard the stories and you have seen the families.  You know this must be possible for your family.  Now you just need to get going on making the changes.  Others may not understand.  Some in your family may not be happy.  Any good work will face obstacles. 

In fact, it might take years.  Years of feeling like you just do not quite fit or measure up.  Years of being different from family and friends and feeling the distance growing between you and the ones you have loved.  You will try to convince yourself that it is all worthwhile.  Good things are worth some suffering.  But you may wonder when the good things will come.  You will learn to pretend that your family is just as good as the others, or at least better than some.  You will learn to hide the compromises.  You will find some of the standards hard to keep, but you will find ways to let others assume that you are keeping them.  You will wish that your family could be happier and life could be better managed.  Perhaps someday your husband or wife and the kids will do their part. 

Even then, years from the first time you attended the seminar, you will want to believe that it works.  The doubts will be stronger and the depression may come more often, but you will keep trying.  Maybe someday God will smile on you as a worthy servant. Your inability to live the kind of life that pleases Him is just your continuing sin, with contributions by the parents who raised you and the others who live with you. 

But one thing that will puzzle you will be the happiness of Christian friends and families who have not lived under the standards of the seminar.  They still struggle, of course, but they seem to believe that God loves them through it all.  They seem to be oblivious to the shame and sense of failure that consumes your days.  They do not even try to measure up to the special families.  They live in freedom and peace and even joy.  Their kids love Jesus and are kind, but do not have the fears and shame that your kids seem to have.  In some ways you find yourself looking at them in the way you used to look at the special family, wishing you could be like them.

And another thing might shock you.  From time to time you will hear of special families that just did not make it.  Some of them will divorce, maybe revealing adultery or even homosexuality.  Some of their daughters may become pregnant without being married.  And some of their children may abandon the faith altogether.  At first you will join the others in pointing out areas of failure in the lives of the family members.  But then you will begin to wonder if your own family is really safe in the system.  After all, if that family could fail...

Perhaps you will miss the love.  Oh, there will be a lot of love at the beginning, when you are thinking of becoming part of the community or when you are new.  But in time the comments and judgments will come and you will feel discouraged.  When you try to tell someone about your fears of inadequacy you will be told to try harder and trust more.  You will begin to long for the kind of relationship you used to have with Christian friends. 

But most of all you will long to feel the love of God.  You may remember when you were saved and you knew that your sins were truly gone and you were safe in your relationship with Jesus.  Now you believe that God is angry and impatient with you, condemning you to a life of cause and effect where sin is not forgiven freely and good works are considered the minimum cost of your salvation.  You will have new definitions of grace and peace and joy and love, definitions that your heart will recognize as far less than the ones you used to know.  You may even begin to wonder if the Christian life has been worthwhile.

The family said that the seminar would change your life and it will.  Give it a few years and let me know if you think your life is better.